Grave Digging!

Nothing to say, nothing to write: what a life!
All agog with the new found zeal to write, write almost about anything; I tried to dig a grave. It has always been a place of my infatuation, wanting to know what’s there and why we erect tombstones …

I wasn't there!

Sudden overflow of ideas, acceptable or not, does not merely make one sick but also reminds that he, himself has not been of USE, lately! Something like this happened. And I see every valid point to make a point of everything that got to see.
India and its populace, God knows what’s the duality in it, complements each other very well. We have a big country, we are proud and along with it, we have all possible calamities, natural or man-made at one ‘time’ go. Here in your northern belt, you will have the bitter cold and in our south, you will have to shed most your attire. To complement it, we have a population big enough to overthrow any virtual empire … in the battlefield, given that it’s one to one … barefoot! A population which defies every logical conclusion on human reproduction! Once, I was said that China’s population growth is indefinable but India’s population GROWTH was termed an EXPLOSION! So obviously we have poor and rich.
I travel everyday in certain roads. These roads have different connotations for rich and poor, like the weather down south and in the north. What tickles my little, tiny brain is the very sight of beggars, walking like a crown King and proudly asking for alms. Sometimes, it looks like a well orchestrated ’documentary’ on human behavior. Further, the sight’s made even stranger seeing a well feed women spitting, may be targeting that ANOTHER soul.
I don’t know if I was there, at all.

It's an obsession!

I have always wondered how someone could laugh at Life! Life is treacherous. It has no definitive course. It hardly communicates any intelligible dialogue. And there, strange people with strange humor return the same favor to it.
I forgot the actual line. Somebody did say something like this: ‘Nothing is funnier than unhappiness … It’s the most comical thing in the world’. And undeniably presumed that we can rely on death. Actually, I was reading an obituary. Art Buchwald died on Wednesday, last week.
Now, I cannot think obituaries will come as a joyful acceptance of life, but the believe!
Death should be like life and it should be treated like life.
One of my friends is worried that I always talk about death and sorrow. I don’t blame. I am only worried about his worrisome trait. I am not, in fact, worried about anything. But death and sorrow, they are my obsessions!
We live and talk about so many things. But the very mention of death scares away most of us. I am afraid too. But why we hide from the inevitable. It will happen, that’s for sure. It always comes in handy if we do the groundwork well in advance …
Who says … we know what happens when we die!

Useless!

Knowing that you are defeated
And cornered,
But still wanting to live…
It’s like smearing the truth with rot
To atone the obvious!
Every now and then,
Treading amidst the ruin that harbored dreams,
I tried to rescue the truce
And extend the servitude,
Servitude, that we called Life.

I wonder about Happiness too!

Was thinking what constitutes happiness, happiness in life? All of sudden, the guy next to me yelled out something strange, maybe he was shouting about something irresistible in his own language and heartily laughed out! For a moment, I was jealous, not able to digest what made him laugh but not me, though we are in the same place and time. As the proposition itself, he starred directly into my eyes … didn’t know what he felt and said: ‘Don’t try it when you are alone, you may think yourself mad!’
Next moment, when I was alone, I tried to prove a counterpoint. Tried to laugh alone, without nothing; sad or happy! But it didn’t work out.
There, I came to realize! It was nothing more than a illusion … my constant pursuit … my non-existent self.
Now, I whole-heartedly realize that being happy has nothing to do with me and my being. It is merely a reflection of what I see. Or, probably what I feel! Illusions cannot be photographed, I fully understood now.
Don’t try to laugh when actually feel like crying!

Favorite past-time.

While it seems I have nothing more to do, a fair and handsome thought invites me to try once more! In such a raw age, it’s not acceptable to surrender … At least, I can try once more. So I started with the noble thought of writing what’s there in my mind … anything that comes knocking in my mind … about the early morning or rather erratic schedule of Call Centre life to the choice of knickers. Most of them are unreadable… need to decode to understand what are actually there in the form of letters and words. Quite interesting, though!
This not so important task of self assurance to carry on another day has become my favorite past-time. In addition to this, it has consumed most of the free time. In fact, killing time is worth. It allows me to wait for another day, though unknowingly. It’s becoming the purpose of life. Now, I spent most of the time, thinking what I have just written down.
Every time I feel uncomfortable doing so, I double dare myself. Challenge myself … Ask myself if I have forgotten what has happened with ME? Nice or nasty, everything is worth jotting down, at least for myself.
I do know LIFE has magical charms. But when the hoary past became prominent in your day-to-day life, it becomes rather nasty … And like any other mortal, I do buy the thought that ‘we need not exhume the past, it stinks like any other corpse!’… But, it seems to me somebody has assigned LIFE differently to different people.
There are pessimists and optimists. But most wellerisms of life have been copied from somewhere else, and luckily or unluckily we don’t know where from!
When I write, I usually forget the first sentence I started with. Seems, the same has happened here.
Let me write more!

Another Blurt!

I have known the truth,
Thus uncertainty prevails
Disparaging enough for the truth!
It’s wondrous to decide:
‘To Live AND to Die’,
It’s hard to decide:
‘To do the same and both’.
But the truth is for me,
So I continue to exist
And I die every second,
Thinking truth never dies!

These are few other lines that hardly mean anything to me...

They Came Calling Me, All Along!

Then…we met!
Meeting old friends and talking about things we did…that’s quite an achievement! It happened to me and I am proud for this ACHIEVEMENT. It helps me do some introspection, not that I was devoid of those fond memories.
Some memories are so fresh; they remind me ‘I am still me’. In between, I thought that I have changed a bit, here and there…but the moment I see them, I wished to rewind…wished to turn backwards (in those days). But everything got stuck with the present when we start talking about present. No wonder, everybody has become something or other.
But our pasts have the strength to rekindle the friendship. There is not even a slight change in the meaning of Friendship. Now I ask to myself, was there any prerogative for being a friend to a friend.

First Post. Without Love.

Read many posts. And thought of posting some! Never materialize.
I was dreaming about her. May be she was somewhere very near to me. Tried to reaffirm the truth that she does not exist but!
Anyway, this is the first post. There will be more, mostly pieces borne out of my confusion.
Recently, I have started to believe that we can live without love. What to love and whom to trust when everybody is happy ALONE! This may be one of the valid reasons for such numerous blog rolls and scribbles floating here. People talking to themselves and pouring out all that can’t reside inside and seeking succor.
Though I am happy too, thinking I am also part of it, without love.
It has been imperfectly known to us that we can’t live without love. But the AMUSED incredulity of life scandalizes love. Love or no-love, we do not cease to live. And I believe, we can live without love!