A shoddy image

A shoddy image,
The weight of isolation and some wishes.
Don’t look around,
You won’t find the shadow.

Her photograph; I scanned and it latched an overwhelming part of my present. May be it wanted back all she could have had, or may be it wanted to suggest that I can start all over again by taking a look around…may be because, it displays the life. This was a shoddy image with all the imitations on life and I (most of the time) couldn’t see what’s right in front of me. Her face!

Yesterday night, I was trying to keep a balance on myself. I measured my tummy. It’s fat. I rather gently pressed my wrist (I am recovering from weakness – a sort of illness). My pulse beats fast. It’s bad. Pretty bad! My first presumption was: I am crazy, a rather rude fellow; who knows nothing more than the self. All the deficiencies and her face, my pillow and how she would hold my hand...that was also a part of that shoddy image. Damn it. This maniac brain has to stop thinking. Or else, I will have to cover myself with all her images…pretty and beautiful, all.

Against the wall, there is a calendar. I wondered what could each day say, or rather the anniversary! I do sure understand all the markings in the diary and each memoirs have all the glimpses. But none of us prepared. Both of us risked too much for comfort and I feel a little surreal to live in this emptiness called life. I took the plunge and the mistake was all evident in the photograph. It has become a ritual.

Yesterday night, I was a specimen
And the images of gifts and limbs,
They all scattered.
But, it was dark
And each moment were long
And my mask floats in the sky.
I wanted to sleep,
But the shoddy image
Caught the glimpses shrouded in the cacophony of loneliness.

No words for me!

Tonight, something isn’t quite right. Along the passages of unknown phrases, I wished to pour in some words. But they didn’t come up good. I couldn’t understand a single line doing me favor. It’s hard time for me…nights without dreams, and words without meaning.

I was thinking if we can meet again. And look, what has come up: irrelevant self; finds myself mistaken for someone else and seem lost off my fundamental expectations. I wanted to meet someone. I know I am too weak to pretend myself being happy alone. I can’t be alone. Living alone is also a form of decadence. It leads oneself to think that we are sufficient to self. That’s not so. Life will be a scurrilous song if you can’t include a line for that someone.

Anyway, let’s see if these few words can copulate.

Let’s meet again, for all that more. I have borrowed this line from somewhere. But couldn’t use much, anywhere! Let’s meet. It’s so simple a sentence to carry the burden of the aching hearts. Let’s meet; once did she promise me thus. But it’s yet to happen.

If I were to wait for the promise to fulfill, I should have also known that promises can also be broken; either way. Better for me, she didn’t recognize the subsequent meetings as me. And how do I consider it was fulfilled for she wanted to see me as another human being, not as me, I, as used to be. But, I was me as usual.

It’s dust.

An ordinary day:
It didn’t rain; only a brief sunshine with
Lots of dusts!

I walk an ordinary road, with
Lots of dusts!

I live an ordinary life, with
Lots of dusts!

In an ordinary day,
All the dusts in the world conspire
All the dusts in my world unite…

Let’s treat courteously;
Let’s all be evident to life:
It’s dust.

If I had only dreams,
You were all I could relate to.

In my dreams,
In specks, I see you.

May be that’s how dreams we see.

It’s dust.

I need somebody like you!

It seems to me,
I need somebody like you.
It seems to me,
I need someone other than myself.

All these while,
I cared for myself
And worried:
Will it pass like ungenerous fortunes?

It seems to me,
I need somebody like you.

Not always!

You know,
I was worried about my lost faith
And blame myself for the fool that I was!

But every time I see you,
I think I need you.

It’s like touching a nip,
It’s like a drink.

Little far away,
In the stream, in the shoal
My steps match yours
And I left them to settle in the cool breeze.

It seems to me,
I need somebody like you.