A word for me!
Alienation: I am not looking for the meaning, neither the actual nor the concealed. But, I am not comfortable at the very thought of using it as a word. Anybody can use it anywhere, where the user thinks it befit. One of my close friends mentioned about it while we were talking about what constitutes India, the great land. His point seemed valid: “Alienation comes from the within, from the self. Don’t think about it. Don’t think that you are alienated from the rest…and so on.” Suddenly, I thought of my look and how I pronounced their names. Something disturbed me!
I wasn’t comfortable.
The moment I reached home, I checked the meaning of the word, just to make myself comfortable. After all, I am going to the office next day, again. And I will meet the same people with same name and same features. I don’t want to be alienated, from within or outside. The meaning was same and I think, still the same. Even more, we were taught that we are not aliens. And further, we are working here, earning and living as citizens, just to confirm that we are not aliens.
So, where did I got myself alienated! Am I unfair to myself, despite all these privileges or am I just not able to think beyond myself? But one thing is for sure; I am not comfortable listening to this word. This doesn’t mean that I desire to be a part of a certain group. In fact, it may undermine my sense of a Universalist, irrespective of where do I reside and how I was brought up! It seems, my uneasiness lies deep inside me, as a part of me, to the retorts of senses (of being a human being) when someone try to distinguish me as an individual of certain unfamiliarity, may be in admiration or may be in utter surprise. In fact, alienation comes from within. And the ensuing question is: how deep and profound can it be!
I wanted to be fair to myself and off course to the unbound opportunities we have been bestowed upon. Still, somewhere within, certain apprehension resides heavily. I don’t know why. I can purchase what I want, asking for bargain and best of products, in their language. But, I am not happy even after I got what I wanted at my own terms. This, in fact, is in itself a worrisome trait. And unluckily, I cannot blame myself. The reason: they see me as a different among themselves, which includes me too. Something in their cadence, include unexpressed desire to exclude me and it parades naked before my conscience. Teasing, they have it at their disposal anytime they want and anywhere they care to!
I was made to be a snub-faced and I often parody the same taunts without any fear. But at hindsight, I am afraid what if this happens to a girl or a more receptive person: the feeling of alienation in a country we called “our country” or, in a liberal perception, a sense of being the second group!
Do we need to find our own country? Everything is not right here.
Alienation: I am not looking for the meaning, neither the actual nor the concealed. But, I am not comfortable at the very thought of using it as a word. Anybody can use it anywhere, where the user thinks it befit. One of my close friends mentioned about it while we were talking about what constitutes India, the great land. His point seemed valid: “Alienation comes from the within, from the self. Don’t think about it. Don’t think that you are alienated from the rest…and so on.” Suddenly, I thought of my look and how I pronounced their names. Something disturbed me!
I wasn’t comfortable.
The moment I reached home, I checked the meaning of the word, just to make myself comfortable. After all, I am going to the office next day, again. And I will meet the same people with same name and same features. I don’t want to be alienated, from within or outside. The meaning was same and I think, still the same. Even more, we were taught that we are not aliens. And further, we are working here, earning and living as citizens, just to confirm that we are not aliens.
So, where did I got myself alienated! Am I unfair to myself, despite all these privileges or am I just not able to think beyond myself? But one thing is for sure; I am not comfortable listening to this word. This doesn’t mean that I desire to be a part of a certain group. In fact, it may undermine my sense of a Universalist, irrespective of where do I reside and how I was brought up! It seems, my uneasiness lies deep inside me, as a part of me, to the retorts of senses (of being a human being) when someone try to distinguish me as an individual of certain unfamiliarity, may be in admiration or may be in utter surprise. In fact, alienation comes from within. And the ensuing question is: how deep and profound can it be!
I wanted to be fair to myself and off course to the unbound opportunities we have been bestowed upon. Still, somewhere within, certain apprehension resides heavily. I don’t know why. I can purchase what I want, asking for bargain and best of products, in their language. But, I am not happy even after I got what I wanted at my own terms. This, in fact, is in itself a worrisome trait. And unluckily, I cannot blame myself. The reason: they see me as a different among themselves, which includes me too. Something in their cadence, include unexpressed desire to exclude me and it parades naked before my conscience. Teasing, they have it at their disposal anytime they want and anywhere they care to!
I was made to be a snub-faced and I often parody the same taunts without any fear. But at hindsight, I am afraid what if this happens to a girl or a more receptive person: the feeling of alienation in a country we called “our country” or, in a liberal perception, a sense of being the second group!
Do we need to find our own country? Everything is not right here.
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